Dear Younger Me: A Letter to the Girl Who Thought She’d Have It All Together by 23

Hey sweet girl,

You've had so many dreams throughout your life. You thought by now you’d have it all figured out—maybe even be planning a wedding to the love of your life (which, to think about now, is literally crazy), working your dream job, living in your own apartment, and doing life like you were the star of a movie. (Preferably Sex and the City, of course.)

You truly believed that by 23, things would be in place—that you'd be settled, confident, and never have to ask your mom for advice again.

I smile thinking about her—you. So full of hope and high expectations. And I loved that about you. You’ve always had so much faith in yourself—please hold onto that. That light, that belief, that spark—it’s still in you.

But here’s what I want you to know: life looks nothing like what you thought it would…And that’s okay. In fact, life is actually as beautiful as can be, because your plans didn’t work out for you.

younger Bailey doing younger Bailey things

The Reality I’m Learning to Love

Right now, I’m not in some fairytale love story.(I’m not even in a relationship.) I’m not planning a wedding or decorating my own place. I still don’t know what’s going on half the time. But what I do know is this—I’ve grown so much.

And honestly? In no way do I believe that at this point in my life I’d even want to be married. A relationship wouldn’t be horrible (obviously I’m not anti-love), but I’ve realized so much since being out of my small hometown. I want to travel, I want to see the world, and I want to live a life that feels free—not locked into a timeline I outgrew a long time ago.

I’ve realized I don’t have to just be someone’s wife, someone’s mom, someone’s best friend. I can just be me. I can be the main character in this chapter of my life.

I’ve gotten closer to my parents and siblings than I ever imagined. I’ve calmed down a lot. I don’t stress over every little thing anymore (okay maybe not every little thing—but I’ve improved). I’m learning to just take life as it comes and breathe through the chaos.

I always thought the best thing for me would be getting out of my small town—and honestly, it was. I’ve grown so much since leaving. But something I’m really grateful for, something I didn’t expect to learn in college, is this: there really is no place like home.

I haven’t just gotten close with my siblings—which is so special in itself, especially because we’re all so spread out in age—but I’ve learned how to connect with them on a real level. I don’t feel like the annoying little sister anymore. I feel like an equal, a friend, someone they actually want to talk to.

And my parents? They’ve always given me freedom—like a long leash, letting me do my thing as long as I wasn’t hurting myself or anyone else. But now? Now it feels like they really trust me. I can tell them about my wild side (and let’s be honest, they definitely weren’t hearing those stories when I was 18) without them, excuse my language, shitting a brick.

Yes, I’ll always be their little girl. But they’re learning how to let me be my own person, and that means more than they’ll ever know.

And one of the biggest lessons of all? Family isn’t just blood.

It’s the friends who turn into your people. The ones your future kids will call Aunt and Uncle. The ones who show up to your birthdays, graduations, breakups, and random Wednesday night meltdowns. The ones who go on family trips with you one day, not because they have to—but because they love you that much.

That’s the kind of life I want. And that’s the kind of love I’m learning to celebrate.

Becoming a Better Version of Me

Somewhere along the way, I became a better friend.

I listen more, I show up more, and I genuinely care deeper than I used to. I’m proud of that.

Not that I ever thought I was a bad friend, because I wasn't. But I can admit now that sometimes, I let my own life, my own chaos, my own problems completely cloud everything else. I’d get so caught up in me that I wouldn’t always see the people around me who really needed me. And that’s something I’ve worked hard to change.

I’ve learned that when it’s my time to go, I don’t want people to just say I was funny or fun to be around. I want them to say, “Bailey was there for me. Bailey cared. Bailey gave the best parts of herself to the people around her.”

I want to be remembered as a good person, not just a good friend. Even when I don’t like someone, I want to treat them with kindness and respect. That’s who I’m trying to be—someone who shows up with love, every single time.

Learning to Be Alone (And Actually Like It)

As much as I used to crave love and validation from other people—especially men—I’ve finally learned that being alone is not a bad thing.

For a long time, I felt like I had to be talking to someone. If I wasn’t dating or flirting or texting a guy, I felt like I was failing somehow—as a woman, as a person. I felt like I wasn’t enough unless someone was there to constantly remind me that I was.

And when it came to friendships? I felt like I had to be the absolute best friend all the time or else I wasn’t doing enough. It was always all or nothing for me—if I couldn’t be perfect, I felt like I wasn’t worthy of being in someone’s life at all.

So yeah... I did whatever I could to make sure I was never alone. Even if that meant being in situationships I wasn’t proud of, even if that meant settling for someone who didn’t make me happy. I didn’t talk about those guys to my friends or family. I wasn’t excited about them. I was just relieved to have someone—someone to text when I was lonely, someone to sit beside when it felt like everyone else was paired up.

And I know now—that was so wrong. But when you’re young and figuring it out, being alone feels like the worst thing in the world. It feels heavy. It feels like everyone else has what you don’t. And sometimes, you just do what everyone else is doing. (Do as the Romans do in Rome, or whatever that saying is.)

But I’ve grown. I’ve spent real time with myself. I’ve learned that being alone is exactly what I needed to grow. To heal. To stop pouring myself into people who only wanted a version of me—not the real me.

And now? I’m not scared of being alone anymore. I know that I’m whole on my own. And when the right love comes, it’ll be something I choose, not something I cling to.

I Don’t Have It All Figured Out (And That’s Okay)

I used to think adulthood meant knowing everything. Like by now, I should have this clear path. A step-by-step plan. All the answers.

But now? I know that’s just not real life. Life is about figuring it out as you go. It’s messy. It’s unpredictable. It’s confusing as hell sometimes—and honestly? That’s okay. I don’t need to have it all together right now.

What matters more is that through all of it, I’ve stayed true to myself. Even when it was hard. Even when I could’ve taken the easy route and just blended in.

Because let’s be honest—it’s easy to change who you are on the outside just to fit in. But changing who you are on the inside? That’s when it really starts to hurt. There were times I’d catch myself slipping, doing or saying things that didn’t feel like me. And I’d sit there thinking, Why am I doing this? This isn’t me. I know this isn’t right for me.

I’d try to conform to what I thought people wanted from me. Not because I wanted to be them, but because I just wanted to be friends with them. And that realization always brought me back to myself—because I finally understood that I need to be me to find the people who are genuinely made for me.

And now? I love that I realize that. I love that I see how precious I am, and how precious the people around me are too. Being yourself is the most important thing you’ll ever do.

Because honestly, what’s sadder than feeling like you have to hide who you are? Like, if you’re “too much” or “too loud” or “too weird” for someone… cool. Let them go.

Be crazy. Be loud. Take the chance. Do you, boo.

At the end of the day, God made you exactly the way you are, and that’s not a mistake. So appreciate that, honor it, and just keep doing you.

From Spelling Tests to Three Degrees

Growing up wasn’t always easy. I had my fair share of setbacks, and there were a lot of times where I truly doubted myself. School, especially, was never easy—and to be honest, I don’t think it ever will be.

I used to struggle just to pass a spelling test in elementary school. I mean, struggle.

Living with dyslexia made everything harder—reading didn’t come naturally to me like it did for other kids. I remember having to drive an hour or more to tutoring sessions just to keep up. Math was my actual nightmare, and I often felt like I was miles behind everyone else.

And not just random classmates—my own siblings.I come from a family of smart, talented people, and there were so many moments where I just didn’t feel like I measured up. I didn’t feel smart. I didn’t feel capable. I felt like I was always chasing what came naturally to everyone else.

And to add to it all—ADHD and ADD were a huge part of my story too. Staying on track has always been a struggle for me. My mind is constantly moving in a million different directions. Focusing, sitting still, remembering due dates, managing responsibilities—it’s been exhausting at times.

But despite all of that…

Here I am. Graduating with THREE degrees. And that still doesn’t feel real to say.

I never thought I’d get here. I never thought I’d be this proud of myself. I never thought I’d be the girl who did it.

But I did. And if I could hug little me who used to cry over flashcards and reading books that didn’t make sense—I would. I’d tell her she’s doing just fine. That one day, she’ll shock everyone—including herself.

Because even when it didn’t come easy, even when it felt impossible...I kept going.

And I’m so proud of that.

Loving Myself Again

Maybe the most personal win of all: I love myself again.

No, I’m not always the skinniest I want to be. My face card might decline every now and then 😂.But I’ve come a long way.

I look in the mirror and actually like what I see. I’m not scared to eat anymore. I’ve found an almost healthy balance with food, and I never thought I’d get there—but I did.

I’m not chasing all the new fads anymore just to stay pretty. I’m not overworking myself in the gym, trying to shrink into a version of myself that isn’t real. I’m not avoiding the mirror out of fear or shame. And I’m definitely not placing more pride in what other people think about me than I should.

I’ve learned that the only standard of beauty that really matters…is mine.

It’s about how I feel, how I show up for myself, how I treat myself when no one’s watching. It’s about loving the body that’s gotten me through all of this—the one that’s still standing after everything I’ve put it through.

I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I’m proud of the healing I’ve done. And I’m proud of the woman I’m still becoming.

And for the first time in a long time—that’s enough.

So, Dear Younger Me...

You may not be where you thought you’d be—but trust me, where you are is pretty special.

You’re stronger than you think. You’re softer than you show. And you’re growing into someone even better than you imagined.

And honestly? That’s more than enough.

—B 💛