The Red Flags I Talked To So You Don’t Have To

Let's be real I've never been one to spot the red flags straight away. In fact, I used to see the red flags and think "Well This Should Be Fun." But after a few too many emotionally unavailable cowboys and chronic Snapchatters, I’ve learned to trust my gut—and not just when it’s telling me to eat a snack at midnight. So here are my tricks and tips on what to avoid and watch out for when talking to guys.

🚩 1. The “Snapchat-Only Communicator”

If the only time he checks in is via a half-face selfie with the caption “wyd,” you’re not dating—you’re doing PR for his ego. Let’s dive into this one: if he’s having full-on conversations with you over Snapchat but won’t pick up the phone or make time to see you in real life, there’s a very good chance you’re not the only one on his list. Hate to break it to you, but if he’s making you feel special via snap filters, he’s probably doing the same thing with five other girls. Who would’ve thought loyalty would become such a rare trait in this generation? Certainly not me.

Unfortunately, I’ve seen this story play out too many times. These men will pour their hearts out over disappearing messages—say all the right things just to delete it the next morning like it never happened. And to them? It didn’t. Because Snapchat is the ultimate no-proof, no-problem playground. Let’s be honest: if you don’t already know this man in real life, Snap is the worst place to start. But somehow, it’s the best place for a man to cheat on his girlfriend. No screenshots, no receipts, no guilt.

And let’s not forget—he can unadd you, block you, or blame the entire thing on you in five seconds flat. If he won’t be seen with you in public, ignores you when y’all are around others, and then slides back into your DMs like nothing happened? Babe, that’s not a red flag. That’s Judas in a frat hoodie. Run. Don’t walk.

🚩 2. The “First-Week Trauma Dumper”

Let’s think about this one for a second. If a man is opening up to you in the first week or two about his favorite color, his siblings, or what show he watched growing up—normal. That’s good. That’s getting to know someone.

But if he’s telling you that his mom takes money out of his account when he doesn’t say “yes ma’am” or dives straight into his childhood trauma before you even get your appetizer on the first date… that’s a little much, don’t we think?

What I had to learn the hard way is: I am not, and hopefully never will be, his therapist. If he’s bringing up his mom’s addiction instead of what his favorite show was as a kid, that’s not intimacy—it’s oversharing on steroids.

And don’t get me wrong—I love a man who can open up. I want the deep stuff eventually. But when you're two dates in and he’s already given you the entire trauma timeline? I can’t help but wonder what he’s telling every other girl, too.

I love the idea of an emotionally mature man… or at least I think I would. Haven’t found him yet. But hey—maybe one day.

🚩 3. The “Every Ex Was Crazy” Guy

Let’s start with this: if every ex was “crazy,” you will be too by the time he’s done with you.

If the first convo about exes goes something like—Me: “So, are you close with any of your exes? ”Him: “Oh, she was crazy. Obsessed with me. Wanted to know my every move. ”No sir, that’s not a girl being obsessed—that’s a girl who didn’t trust you. And now I’m wondering: why didn’t she trust you? What did you do to make her feel like she had to track your every move?

I’ve literally heard it all: “She wouldn’t leave me alone. ”“She was obsessed with me. ”“She was jealous because I had a lot of girl friends. ”Okay… no. She wasn’t crazy. She was probably just tired—tired of the mental gymnastics you made her do on the daily while you played the victim in your own little soap opera.

Here’s the truth: when a guy starts ranting about how wild and dramatic his past relationships were, he’s not warning you about her—he’s warning you about what he's about to put you through. And don’t think for a second that you’ll be the exception. You’re not the “cool girl” who’s going to fix him or prove you’re different. Because let’s be real—a dog can only learn so many tricks and retain them.

So if he can’t take accountability for any of his past breakups, he’s not going to take responsibility when he hurts you either. And when the day comes that he does mess up, don’t fall for the “I’m sorry, I understand if you hate me” line. That’s last year’s manipulator get-out-of-jail-free card. We’re not accepting that coupon anymore.

🚩 4. If you feel like you have to “win” him over

This might be one of my favorite red flags to talk about, because it’s the one we ignore the most. If a man is making you feel like he is the prize, pause and remember: no Disney princess ever ran to her prince and asked him to fix his problems. They just did their thing—and he figured it out. And besides Cinderella (who, let’s be real, didn’t have much choice), there was never a competition for love.

We’re not on The Bachelor. We’re not on Love Island. So why am I fighting for a spot in your life just because you’ve decided to “talk” to me?

If it constantly feels like the shoe is about to drop, that’s not butterflies—that’s your intuition screaming get out. I’ve had to ask myself too many times: why am I chasing someone who can’t even keep up with what I want in a partner, much less my actual standards?

If you’re sitting there wondering whether Rat Cheese is going to get bored with you (yes, I said Rat Cheese), that’s not attraction. That’s emotional anxiety. And babe—that’s not love. That’s a one-way ticket to the looney bin with your name on it.

I’m about to be harsh, but I think we all need to hear it. If he makes you feel like you’re in a constant audition to be “the one,” he doesn’t want you to be his girl—he wants you to be his emotional crutch. His backup plan. The “maybe” while he chases someone else. That’s not love, that’s convenience. He sees you as replaceable.

But let me be clear: you are NOT and never will be replaceable in the right man’s life.

If he can’t see your worth without you—or someone else—spelling it out, that’s not a man who deserves you. That’s a man who gets power from tearing you down just enough to make you think that’s all you’ll ever be worth to anyone. But that’s a lie.

HE is not the prize. YOU are. And you should never have to prove that to someone who was never capable of appreciating you in the first place.

🚩 5. The “We’re Just Talking” Guy

He flirts with you like you're the only girl in the world, calls you “wifey,” makes plans for the future, sends good morning texts, asks how your day was, and then… if anyone asks about you? “Oh, we’re just talking.”

Excuse me? Just talking? Sir, we have trauma bonded over late-night FaceTimes, shared playlists, and emotional childhood stories. You begged me to stay on the phone until you fell asleep—and now we’re just talking? Babe, you’re not talking. You’re auditioning.

And let’s be honest—he’s probably holding open casting calls. You’re not the only one in this fake relationship. You’re just the most convenient option until something “better” or less emotionally serious comes along.

These types want all the benefits of a relationship—your time, your attention, your support, your loyalty—without the title, the effort, or the commitment. They keep you close enough to feel special but far enough away that they’re not held accountable.

They don’t want to commit. They want control. And they’ll use “we’re just talking” as a built-in excuse to disappear the second you ask for anything real.

Let me say this loud and clear for anyone who needs it: you do not owe loyalty, emotional labor, or relationship energy to a man who won’t even claim you out loud.

You're not just talking. You're being strung along.

🚩 6. The “Private But Not Personal” One

We all know the guy who vlogs his entire life like he’s got a YouTube channel no one asked for. You know what time he wakes up, what he eats, how many reps he did at the gym, and the exact layout of his daily routine… but the second you ask about something actually personal? Shut. Down. Gone. Ghost. Conversation over.

It’s funny how you can know a man’s full work schedule and what pre-workout he swears by, but somehow knowing his best friend’s name is too much. Like, God forbid you ask about his relationship with his mom—or worse—ask if he even has a best friend.

This is the guy who will let you in… just not all the way. Or at least not without a crowbar. He’ll text you every day. He’ll Snap you every random thought that crosses his brain. But somehow? You’ve never met a single friend. You’ve never been posted. And slowly, it hits you: you’re in his life, but only in the background. Never the spotlight.

And don’t let him gaslight you with the “I’m just private” excuse. He’s not private because he’s mature or lowkey. He’s private because he doesn’t want to be held accountable for how he treats you.

Worse than that? He doesn’t want to know anything real about you, either. Because the moment you start getting personal, the moment you form that deeper bond, he might actually have to treat you like you matter. He might have to give you answers. And for a man like this, that’s a threat—not a responsibility.

He’ll tell you “I don’t like putting my business out there.” Okay, but sir—you just posted a video of your roommate walking on your back and Snapchatted me your new truck tires. So clearly not all business is off limits.

Let’s call it what it is: if he’s doing relationship things with you behind closed doors, but pretending you don’t exist when his friends are around, he’s not protecting your connection—he’s protecting his options.

And let’s be very clear—there’s a difference between being private and being secretive. One protects your peace. The other protects his lies.

🚩 7. The “Guilt Trip Guru”

Every time you bring up how he hurt your feelings, it somehow turns into you being the problem. Suddenly, you're "too sensitive," "overreacting," or "making something out of nothing." Like… sir, I’m literally just telling you how I feel, not setting your truck on fire.

Let’s be so real—if a man is constantly being nonchalant about your feelings, he’s not the one, sweetheart. He doesn’t care. And that’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s the truth. Because the second he’s upset? Oh suddenly, we’re in a full-blown emotional emergency. You’re expected to bow at his feet, feed him grapes, and apologize for “hurting his spirit.”

It’s wild how a man who claims he has “no feelings” will become the most emotionally expressive person on Earth the moment you say something he doesn’t like. His entire vibe shifts—from “chill guy who doesn’t care about anything” to “Oscar-worthy performance about how YOU just broke his heart by holding him accountable.”

Gaslighting. Guilt-tripping. Emotional manipulation wrapped in bare minimum effort.

This is the guy who will make you feel bad for feeling anything at all. You’ll start apologizing for being human. You’ll tiptoe around your emotions just to avoid another emotional flip-out from the guy who swears he's "not that deep."

Let me be clear: a man who truly cares about you will care about how you feel—even when it’s uncomfortable for him.

If every emotional conversation ends with you feeling worse, confused, or like you have to apologize for bringing it up? That’s not love. That’s control. And babe, you deserve way better than walking on eggshells in your own relationship.

🚩 8. If your gut is telling you something’s off

It probably is. Don’t confuse mixed signals with “mystery”—you’re not dating a novel. You deserve clarity, not confusion.

So finally… if you’re not fully in it, if your gut keeps pulling you to the side like a protective best friend in the bathroom line at a bar, listen. That uneasy feeling? It’s not the smoothie you just drank. It’s your body physically warning you that something is off. And yeah, that sucks sometimes. Because deep down, you might want it to work. You might hope you’re just overthinking. But girl, your gut knows the truth your heart isn’t ready to hear yet.

And when you feel that way, you’ve got to do what’s best for you—and honestly, for him too. If it’s not right, it’s not right. Don’t stay in something hoping it’ll magically start feeling better when it’s already stealing your peace.

Let them call you dramatic. Let them say you’re “overthinking.” But never let someone make you doubt your own instincts. Your gut doesn’t lie—it protects.

So there you have it—8 red flags, straight from the trenches of “almosts,” “situationships,” and “we’re just talkings.”

Here’s the thing: I didn’t write this because I’ve mastered it. I wrote it because I’ve lived it. I’ve ignored the gut feelings. I’ve made excuses. I’ve waited for clarity that never came. And somewhere along the way, I realized—it’s not your job to decode someone else’s chaos.

You don’t need to audition for love. You don’t need to settle for half-effort. You don’t need to keep giving chances to people who only show up when it’s convenient.

Because when it’s right? You won’t be guessing. You won’t be chasing. You won’t be journaling about why you feel anxious after every conversation.

You’ll feel peace. Safety. Consistency. And if that’s not what you’re getting? Babe, it’s not love—it’s a lesson.

So protect your heart. Trust your gut. Raise your standards. And remember: red flags don’t turn green with time.